And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
