apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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