Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
