I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
