My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
