I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
