It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Less talking, more tequila
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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