I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
