I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
