***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
