i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
