nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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