Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
