I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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