I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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