If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
