I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
