i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
