i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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