It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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