I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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