The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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