Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize