The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
