Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
