You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
