I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
