my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
