Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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