dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
