Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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