he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
