Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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