i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
