i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
