i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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