You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
