he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
