I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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