I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
foreskin is a definite game changer
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
