This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize