Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
