Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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