Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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