i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
