I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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