I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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