My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
