in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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