I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize