there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
