Just fell off a train. Bad.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
