I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
