I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
