it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize