I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
