Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
