no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize