apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
