This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize