My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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