omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
