Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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