i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
