your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
