first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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