Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize