If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
