You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
