Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize