Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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