i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
