There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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