Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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