I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
