You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
