I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
